13 Apr CELPIP Survey Question,

Corrected answer on City Park or development

Practice Test 1 – Writing Task 2: Responding to Survey Questions

Park Sale

A builder wants to buy a popular park in your city. He wants to build two apartment buildings for seniors on the land. You use the park a lot, and your children like the playground and basketball court. The city is asking residents to respond to an opinion survey. Question Courtsey: Paragon

Choose the option that you prefer. Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.

Option A: I think the builder should buy the park.

Option B: I think the park should stay as it is.

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Answer written by one of our students:

The popular park which is situated in the mid of the downtown is the oldest park as well as largest part in the city. Due to the swift development of urban areas, industrialization and many upcoming high rise buildings, open spaces like empty plots are being covered gradually which in turn increasing pollutions as well as blocking the natural air

This Park not only has a large space for children to play but has a neat and clean well maintained walking lanes enabling the residents including elderly persons come for walking and exercise. Moreover, this park gives ample shade as it is filled with couple of huge trees which also provide shelter for many birds. The Park is always full in the mornings and evening as city residents flock for enjoying the cool and fresh air. Even in the weekends this park will be full as most of the families spend the entire day here in this park along with kids allowing them to play in the slides, swings and run along and of course even parents need a break from their busy routine week schedule. One of the prime advantage of this park is, visitors need not drove a long ride to reach as it is situated in the mid of the town and well connected with local transport as well.

By considering the above valid aspects, I think the park should stay as it is and I strongly believe that most of the residents will opt of the same.

Reviewer’s Remarks:

The writing is grammatically correct with a good range of vocabulary used, the task has been addressed and survey structure is definately correct. However, The sentences in Paragraph two seem repetative with similar message being written two or more times, this makes the article wordy and should be avoided. moreover, Introduction paragraph does not clearly show the opinion of writer and seems too lengthy.

Please find a corrected version of the same answer,

CELPIP writing task 2,

I appreciate the fact that city authorities are seeking resident’s opinion before taking a decision on the proposal of converting popular park into apartment complex for seniors. In my opinion the city park should remain as it is.

To begin with, I am a frequent visitor to this park with my children and have noticed other families from the vicinity spending some quality outdoor time there. This park is actually a meeting point for dwellers as we gather there in large numbers, especially on weekends and enjoy, in the proximity of Mother Nature. Be it swings and slides for toddlers, lush green play ground for teenagers, walking trails in the woods for grownups or picnic spots for large families. The park has been an integral part of community life for the town population for decades.

As regards housing for seniors, I believe they would prefer to live in a serene environment away from the hustle and bustle of city life. I would always recommend a place on the outskirts of the city for our senior citizens where they are not disturbed by noise of vehicles passing by or honking rush hour traffic.

To conclude, I am happy to share my opinion, however, will accept any decision taken by the city management council wholeheartedly.